There’s a really obvious answer to the question, “how do I get what I want in bed?” Communication. But knowing how to communicate your thoughts, feelings and fantasies can be tricky.
Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as asking for tea and toast. If you’re looking to get what you want from sex, then you’ll need to take a slightly different approach and find a communication method that you’re comfortable with.
Luckily, there are three clear-cut ways to help you get what you want in bed.
Show, rather than tell – non-verbal
Talking about what you want between the sheets can be daunting. We understand that. You might be worried that your partner will respond negatively, or that you’ll struggle to find the right words to explain what you want. If this is the case, non-verbal communication could be your best bet.
You might like to try:
• Placing your partner’s hand where you’d like them to touch you
• Wrapping your hand over theirs to show them how you like to be touched
• Kissing your partner in the way you’d like to be kissed
• Touching or kissing the erogenous zones you’d like them to explore on you — this is sometimes called ‘mirroring’ (always ask for permission first if it’s likely to be an especially sensitive area).
If your partner doesn’t pick up on your non-verbal clues, then you may need to get vocal.
Something to moan about – pleasure noises
Good sex isn’t achieved through touch alone – you should also watch and listen to your lover’s responses to different sensations. Whether you’re giving or receiving, pleasure moaning can be an effective way to communicate. If something your partner is doing feels good, make a positive sound about it. This will let them know you’re enjoying it. It’s likely that as your excitement grows, so will the volume of your moans — this is natural.
On the other hand, if you’re not into something, don’t remain silent. Try moving your partner’s hand to where you’d prefer it to be, or a simple and politely whispered, “not there” or “try something else, please” should get you back on track without offending anyone or breaking the mood.
Get chatty – verbal requests
There are two ways to vocalise your bedroom wants:
1) Talk dirty during sex. Expressing your desires across in the heat of the moment can get you both revved up. Let your partner know what you’d like them to do to you and describe it as a fantasy. Use phrases like, “I love the thought of you…” or “I imagine you doing this to me”. This will get across what you want in bed without sounding too demanding. It also gives your partner an option to respond with their own sexy ideas.
2) Have a relaxed conversation. Find a time when you’re chilling out together and use it to bring up the subject of sex. Vocalise what you enjoy and then introduce the new ideas you’d like to try. Saying, “You know when you did A, B and C in bed last week? Well, I really liked it. Maybe next time you could try X, Y and Z as well?” could be very effective.
Whether it’s non-verbal or vocalised, remember that communication is a two way street. Although you may hint or ask for something you want in bed, it doesn’t mean you’ll get it. Great sex is achieved through communication and both parties enjoying themselves.
If you’re looking to practise your verbal or non-verbal communication skills a little more, then make a date with one of our beautiful Sydney Select Escorts.